Pretty Little Liars: "We've All Got Baggage" Recap & Review

Wedding bells and murder weapons. Ah, yes. What else would you expect from the town of Rosewood? As always, the Liars have their plates full, with Emily's eggs being stolen from a fertility clinic, Spencer’s mother coming clean about her cancer, Ezra returning with his newly written book that Aria ghostwrote in his absence, and Hanna finding herself unemployed. You know, the usual.

When a wave of dirty politics hits the Hastings’ Senate campaign, Caleb takes the fall for Spencer after a secret someone uses her IP address to send out damaging reports. Spencer’s mother fires Caleb after he falsely confesses and he is consequently kicked out of the barn. That seems okay with him, because he’s more preoccupied with the suspicion surrounding Spencer’s sister. After all, Melissa’s broken suitcase could be the murder weapon in Charlotte’s death. Plus, Hanna conveniently remembers an absurdly unforgettable run-in with Spencer’s sister back in New York. It's funny how something like this would slip her mind...until the perfect time to label Melissa as the next red herring.

Emily meets a friendly face while ordering textbooks at Hollis, only to later find out that he’s an undercover reporter. With this knowledge, she turns the tables and weasels information out of him, discovering that Melissa returned early from London and therefore could have made the infamous call to the DeLaurentis house on the night of Charlotte’s murder. Emily heads out to the diner where the landline originated in search of more answers, only to find the parking lot and building empty. A monster pickup truck then begins threatening her, repeatedly barreling down on the young woman as she tries not to get made into a crushed hood ornament. Emily conveniently takes shelter on top of a large metal storage container after the truck manages to run over her cell. While up there, Emily just so happens to come across a long metal rod that looks suspiciously like the murder weapon!

But of course, she drops it, allowing the chaotic truck driver to reclaim the piece. 

Meanwhile, Mr. Montgomery asks his daughter to be the wedding officiant for his and Ella’s impending nuptials as Hanna finds temporary work acting as Ella’s stylist. The wedding goes off without a hitch, but all isn’t well for Aria. Obviously, to up the melodrama, Liam assumes the worst in regard as to why Aria wants to stay in Rosewood. Apparently, it never ever came up that she previously dated the literary darling of her publishing house. So when Fitz accidently drops the histrionic bomb to her new beau over lunch, it racks Aria with unnecessary guilt later on as she officiates her parents’ second walk down the aisle. Then, of course, Liam comes to the wedding, and the two quickly make up over the ridiculous quarrel. The reunion seems sweet until a couple of unexpected visitors show up on Aria’s doorstep following the ceremony. Since Aria’s now officiated, Alison and Elliot come to her, insisting that she marry the pair right then and there. And by the look on Aria’s face, she’s not particularly comfortable with the idea. 

PLL these days is pretty hit or miss. Sure, the series has descended to more of a soap-opera level that forces you to suspend all disbelief at the door, but it can be fun in a campy sort of way. When it’s not so much fun though, it’s really just pure melodrama without payoff. In addition, the transition from past to present in the five year time jump is still rough. The Liars themselves blossomed nicely into their future versions, but the same cannot be said about the supporting players. One in particular: Caleb Rivers. Remember the days when he was the rugged, rough-around-the-edges bad boy?

Yeah, those really are just memories now, because there’s not a single fleck of that guy left. Now, Caleb looks like a polished country club hipster, sporting polos and bright colors. Seriously, what happened to the leather jackets and devil-may-care attitude? He’s now another stuffed shirt in a line of replaceable cookie cutter men. And even after all these weeks, we still have no clue as to what the heck happened between Spencer and Toby. There’s unmistakable hostility on his end, and the destruction of their relationship might help us feel better about the sudden ship between Spencer and Caleb. Answers, PLL. We need answers.   

Episode Rating: C

     

Pretty Little Liars: "Of Late I Think of Rosewood" Recap & Review

Tuesday launched FREEFORM, the new name for ABC Family, with the Winter Premiere for PLL.

Summer’s finale hinted at the impending danger awaiting the Liars upon their return to the infamous town of Rosewood five years after “A”’s reveal. Hanna’s taking the fashion world by storm in New York, Spencer’s political aspirations have taken her to D.C., Aria’s pursuing her artistic passions in Los Angeles, and Emily seems to have lost her way in sunny California. And…that’s about it. For anyone who caught the Thanksgiving special back in November, none of this is news.

And this snooze-fest of exposition isn’t the only pain that will have to be endured. After investing years of interest in the show’s beloved couplings, everything has gone up in smoke upon this winter’s return.

Hanna’s engaged…to someone who isn’t Caleb.

Spoby is no more.

Emily didn’t rekindle her relationship with Paige, even though they both wound up on the west coast.

And the forbidden romance between Aria and Ezra is nothing but a distant memory.

Anywho…

After extensive rehabilitation, the courts believe that Charlotte, a.k.a “A,” may be ready to be reintroduced into society. Given how broken her home life has become, Charlotte is the only real family Alison has left. To ensure Charlotte’s best chances to be freed, a hopeful Ali begs her old friends to put in a good word. Time may heal all wounds, but half a decade still isn’t enough for Hanna, Emily, Aria, and Spencer to be overly forgiving. Old habits die hard though as they eventually (and nonsensically) cave into Alison's request by speaking up on Charlotte’s behalf. They tell the courts that they are no longer afraid of “A”, despite the fact that she tried killing them all on more than one occasion.

Everyone flat-out lies…except Aria, who breaks down in front of the judge and confesses to the extent of her PTSD. Despite her heart wrenching statement and the extensive documentation, the courts still decide to release Charlotte into Alison’s care. Disillusioned by the verdict, the Liars drown their feelings in alcohol.

Lots and lots of alcohol.

When they awaken the next morning, the town’s painted red with a dead body on the grass outside the church that is later identified as Charlotte. Despite the murderous history of Rosewood, everyone simply assumes Alison’s sister committed suicide…after just being set free.

Yeah, because that makes sense...

The Liars go to the funeral, only to see the illustrious Sarah Harvey in attendance. Upon the service’s dismissal, Alison’s past fling, Officer Lorenzo, informs the girls that they shouldn’t leave town. “Why?” you might ask. Because, Charlotte was…murdered!

DUN-DUN-DUN

Yeah, no one’s remotely shocked here.

The decision to time jump was apparently implemented to reinvigorate the series, but if the winter premiere is any indication of this show’s shelf life, then PLL isn’t looking too good.   

Pretty Little Liars: “Game Over, Charles” Recap & Review

You hear that perpetual thumping? Don’t be concerned. It’s just PLL fans banging their heads on whatever hard surface they can find. Why might that be, you ask? Well, if you’d just seen the summer finale, you would know all too well. After five and a half seasons, 130 episodes, and all those red herrings, we finally get a face to go with the infamous “A”. The result…is rather underwhelming.

With help from Mona, the Liars try to track down a recently kidnapped Alison and find themselves at the corporate office of the Carissimi Group. Sara Harvey so conveniently helps them break into Rhys Matthews’s locked room, and they walk right into “A”’s evil lair. The vault door closes on them, locking all the girls inside with the exception of the suspicious Sara Harvey. Meanwhile, Alison awakens inside what looks like a prison cell with Mr. D and Jason’s lifeless bodies on the floor outside the room. With a strangely futuristic video feed showing the Liars and Mona everything happening to Alison, they see the notorious “A” lurking in the corner of the cell. The big reveal…Jason’s ex, CeCe Drake, is underneath the infamous black hoodie. Can you say creepy?

The rest of the episode pretty much plays out as exposition to reveal CeCe’s motives for becoming “A” with enormous mounds of information dumping and not a lot of time to digest it all. CeCe, known as Charles back in the day, apparently didn’t try to drown Alison in the bathtub. Yep, it was all just a big misunderstanding. Already unhinged at his son’s predisposition for wanting to wear dresses, Mr. DeLaurentis convinced his wife to lock Charles up in the Radley Institute after the bathtub incident. Mrs. D was more understanding of Charles’s cross-dressing tendencies, in which she’d buy duplicates of Alison’s wardrobe to give to her son when visiting him at Radley.

Bethany Young was apparently the one responsible for Toby’s mother’s presumed “suicide” when she blatantly pushed her off the roof, in which she blamed Charles. Mrs. D paid off Wilden to cover up all the secrets after she faked Charles’s death to rename him “Charlotte” before re- administering him back into Radley under a different name and feminine appearance. Things took a turn for the truly disturbing when Charles a.k.a. “CeCe” managed to sneak back into Rosewood and start a relationship with his/her own unwitting brother, Jason, just to get close to the family. Sadly, your head does not work like an Etch A Sketch. Doesn’t matter how hard and long you shake it, those incestuous images won’t go away.

Speaking of Jason, both he and his father are in fact alive. “A”, using a mysterious serum, drugged the guys to leave them in a state of paralysis, in which they’re fully awake and conscious of their surroundings, but unable to move whatsoever. One can only assume, after listening to Charles’s sickening confession, that Jason definitely spent a lot of time in the upcoming five year time jump at therapy. Yuck.

This disturbing brother/sister relationship came to Mrs. DeLaurentis’s attention only when Jason brought CeCe home…for his family to meet his new girlfriend. To say Mrs. D wasn’t happy about this lewd, family affair would be putting it mildly.

It is also revealed that CeCe is the one who hit Alison over the head with the rock that fateful night, mistaking her for Bethany Young. In light of this revelation, Mona confesses to the Liars that she, too, suffered a case of mistaken identity when she hit Bethany with the shovel, thinking it was Ali. CeCe later befriended Mona while the two were hauled up in Radley, though Mona was too medicated to remember CeCe. She just assumed her guilt was making her hallucinate that she was really talking to an imaginary Alison. That’s when Mona apparently mentioned that the Liars were happy about Alison being dead, sparking Charles/Charlotte/CeCe’s vengeance towards the group. Oh. My. God. You have a headache yet? Don’t worry; we all do. Lastly, Sara Harvey is revealed to be both Red Coat and the Black Widow, leaving Emily distraught. Show of hands, who was shocked that Sara was a baddie? Anybody? No? Didn’t think so.

The Liars, realizing that the video feed is coming from Radley, manage to break out of “A”’s lair and get to the institute to rescue Ali before CeCe has a chance to blow it all up. What happens to CeCe after that is perfectly UNCLEAR as the scene fades to black after the cops arrive on scene and CeCe surrenders by calling “Game over.”

Well, that was…anticlimactic.

Sure, after five and a half seasons, expectations were undoubtedly high. Perhaps too high. Not all fans would be satisfied, no matter who was revealed to be lurking underneath that black hoodie. But when intended gasps are instead met with groans, it’s a sure sign the show runners hit a sour note. The allure of “A” has always been the calculated, enigmatic menace behind each threat, taunt, and malevolent act. CeCe’s back story completely derails that appeal by either chalking her behavior up to misunderstandings or plain, impulsive psychosis. And you can’t ignore the elephant in the room. With transgender awareness now at a focal point in the media, Charles/CeCe’s “shocking” reveal reads more as a last minute gimmick than as a genuinely organic idea. What makes this offense worse is the fact that this particular case regarding transgender lifestyles plays out more like Buffalo Bill, given that her gender identity crisis was compounded with ideas that incest and violence were reasonable actions, resulting in a blatantly insulting portrayal of a transgender individual.   

Are we also really expected to believe that the clearly masculine figure that leapt from the rooftop after shooting Ezra in season four’s finale was petite, little CeCe? All signs up to that point made the likelihood that a male, particularly Wren Kingston, was in fact “A”. This information dump of a finale felt more like the creators were more interested in shocking fans than giving them what they really deserved, a perfect villain. Many viewers picked up on tidbits throughout the series that made it hard to ignore Wren’s suspicious behavior. The fact that “A” scheduled the British custom of “tea time” while the girls were trapped in the Dollhouse seemed like a good clue. The fact that Wren owned an eerily similar placard reading “Love Thy Neighbor” that also happened to be hanging on the wall in the Dollhouse was another. Then there’s the fact that the police were suspicious of Wren’s questionable doctorial credentials, in which he somehow worked in both medical and psychiatric branches of the field. The fact he knew Radley all too well without having ever been there can’t be ignored either.

The list goes on and on. It was even hinted that “A” was in the series from the very beginning. CeCe didn’t show up until three seasons in. Plus, the show’s creator, I. Marlene King, tweeted a picture of a young Charles at the farm, along with the caption, “An apple a day…” The old saying, “An apple a day keeps the DOCTOR away,” seemed like a heavy hint at Kingston as well. And lastly, one must suspect that the creators were also responsible for the fake leak from a supposed former employee saying that Wren was in fact Charles. This fan-favorite theory was emphasized so much that it feels like PLL just enjoyed pulling the rug out from everyone’s feet by playing a dirty, five-year trick. Whether that’s the case or not, this midseason finale was undoubtedly a massive disappointment. And I'm still wondering how long the Liars' mothers will be stuck in the basement for?

Pretty Little Liars - “Game Over, Charles” Rating:  D -

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