Ah, yes. Valentine’s Day, that special
time of year when Hallmark makes a killing, roses cost an arm and a leg, and
you can’t escape from everything heart-shaped. It’s supposed to be about love
and eternal happiness, but in actuality it’s just a headache and a half. Sure,
if you’re like my folks who’ve been married for more than a quarter of a
century, Valentine’s Day is just another routine of sweet gestures, flowers,
and a quiet dinner.
For the rest of us out there
though, it ain’t that simple.
NOT. AT. ALL.
What V-Day can really be is a
freaking emotional MINEFIELD, no matter what relationship status you hold! Here
is my Top 5 list of reasons why February 14th sucks.
1. MEN ARE DOOMED!
Thanks to the
unrealistic expectations Hollywood has ingrained into the mindset of the
average modern woman, pretty much every man has been set up to fail
spectacularly on this “special” night.
Sure, you could
pull a Christian Grey and tell your significant other that you “don’t do
romance.”
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!
Yeah, hate to break it to you, but if you were hoping to get lucky, you’re
gonna have to look to your right hand.
With that notion
axed, you’re going to have to find something mind-blowing to sweep her off her
feet. But when you’re competing against your lovely lady’s fantasy of Ryan
Gosling passionately kissing her in the rain, your box of toothpaste-filled
chocolates and ten dollar teddy bear don’t stand a chance.
2. YOUR WALLET IS GOING TO TAKE A BEATING!
2. YOUR WALLET IS GOING TO TAKE A BEATING!
Because of this
commercially driven faux-holiday, the price of everything is going to
SKYROCKET. Sorry, fellas, but that money you had set aside to fill up your gas
tank will be flushed down the metaphorical toilet so you can buy ridiculous
things like a singing stuffed animal that your girlfriend/wife probably won’t
ever touch again after tomorrow morning.
3. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL SUDDENLY BE PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE!
Yep, like it or
not, but when the fourteenth rolls around, you’re gonna find yourself in the
world of COMMITMENT. For a reason unbeknownst to me, Valentine’s Day makes
couples go crazy. If you’re in a new relationship, you now have to worry about
what impression you make on the evening.
It’s just
another date night…right?
Nope. For some,
when you take someone out on February 14th, it can be a much bigger
deal than you’d think it is. Some people see this invitation as a cue that
you’re ready to take things to the next level.
Yep. While you’re innocently
deciding on what entrée you want off the menu, the person sitting across from
you may already be planning your guys’ wedding in their heads!
And if you’re in
a relationship that's a bit more long-term, then prepare for grenades to start
going off. Popping (or not popping)
the question can honestly lead to a five-year relationship going up in smoke.
Everyone knows that romantic gestures are all the rage during the holidays, whether
it be performed on Christmas, Thanksgiving, or New Years. Valentine’s Day is no
exception. If one member of the couple has previously expressed that it’s time
to tie the knot, V-Day is the other person’s nightmare. If the woman wishes
for her man to “put a ring on it” and the guy’s not ready to step up to the
plate, he’s doomed for. And if the tables are turned, then the woman will be
living in sheer dread for dessert time to arrive, because she knows there’s
going to be a diamond ring hiding in her ice cream. The entire evening is
pretty much like being trapped in a plane plummeting from the sky.
You won’t know
when the crash will happen, but you knows it’s coming.
When the
holidays roll around, some of those single folks out there seem to feel the
loneliness more than ever. When Valentine’s Day is on the horizon…oh boy, can
things get weird… You know when you’re at the bar and you have that pesky
patron that just won’t leave you alone? At the beginning of the evening, you
know this guy is easily the most annoying human being in the room. After a few
cocktails though....
....this gremlin starts to look less and less horrible.
This same
curious mindset can be applied to the days leading up February 14th.
Some people
can’t stand the thought of being alone on this particular day. This may lead to
irrational thinking. Remember four months ago when you were throwing your boyfriend’s
clothes out your guys’ apartment window? Yep, that ass-hat who you swore to
loath for all eternity. Now, come February, as you’re being bombarded by
Valentine’s Day themed everything at the grocery store, you begin to take a
walk down Memory Lane…with rose-colored glasses.
And now you're not thinking clearly....
....and you're feeling more alone
than ever.
Worst of all....when the ghosts of boyfriends past comes seeking YOU out!
Terrifying!!
Just when you think it's safe to head out the front door, you notice a certain someone waiting for you, and you're all like....
And then you notice them suddenly showing up everywhere you go, because they want to talk with you....
They just need
some love, right?
Not from
you…please!
5. YOU’RE LABELED AS A LEPER FOR BEING SINGLE!
All your happily matched-up friends gab about
their special plans for the evening, and inquiry inevitably shifts to you.
You: “Just staying
in.”
Valentine’s Day suddenly makes those without a beau feel like that poor kid in high school who wasn’t invited to the BIG party.
You tell yourself
you’re okay with it…
But really...
So after all the horribly awkward "pity" stares from loved ones, you decide to embellish your plans. When you're asked the next time, you tell them that you're spending the night curled up on the couch with not one, but two delicious men....which is sort of true. You just fail to mention that their names happen to be Ben & Jerry.
After all's said and done, you're not getting out of Valentine's Day without some emotional scars.
There's only one thing left for you to do....
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!! :-)
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these gifs, and I do not receive any compensation for their use. All rights belong to their respected owners. I just LOVE "Supernatural," and these guys just really know how to express my feelings. :-)
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